What's spoo?

Date:    Thu, Jan 5, 1995 1:28:19 AM
From:    J. Michael Straczynski 71016,1644

     Spoo is/are (the plural of spoo is spoo) small, white, pasty,
mealy critters, rather worm-like, and generally regarded as the
ugliest animals in the known galaxy by just about every sentient
species capable of starflight, with the possible exception of the
pak'ma'ra, who would simply recommend a more rigorous program of
exercise.  They are also generally considered the most delicious food
in all of known space, regardless of the individual's biology, almost
regardless of species, except for the pak'ma'ra, who like the flavor
but generally won't say so simply to be contrary.

     Spoo are raised on ranches on worlds with a damp, moist, somewhat
chilly climate so that their skin can acquire just the right shade of
paleness.  Spoo travel in herds, if moving a total of six inches in
any given direction in the course of a given year can actually be
considered moving.  They stay in herds ostensibly for mutual
protection, but the reality is that if they weren't propped up against
one another, most of them would simply fall down.  They do not howl,
bark, moo, purr, yap, squeak or speak.  Mainly, they sigh.  Herds of
sighing spoo can reportedly induce unparalleled bouts of depression,
which is why most spoo ranchers wear earmuffs even when it's only
mildly cold, damp, wet and dreary outside.  If there is any
life-or-death struggle for dominance within the spoo herd, it has not
yet been detected by modern science.

     Spoo ranching is one of the least regarded professions known.
Little or no skill is required, once you've got a planet with the
right climate.  You bring in two hundred spoo, plop them down in the
middle of your ranch, and go back to the nearby house.  Soon you've
got more.  When it comes time to cull out the ones ready for market
(the softest, mealiest, palest, most forlorn-looking spoo of the
pack), little physical effort is required since they're incapable of
rapid movement without falling over (see above).  They do not resist,
fight, or whine; they only sigh more loudly.  When spoo harvest time
comes, the air is full of the sound of whacking and sighing, whacking
and sighing.  Even an experienced spoo rancher can only harvest for
brief periods of a time, due to the increased volume of sighing, which
even the sound of whacking cannot altogether erase.  (also see above)
Some have simply gone mad.

     Spoo are the only creatures of which the Interstellar Animal
Rights Protection League says, simply, "Kill 'em."

     Fresh spoo (served at an optimum temperature of 62-degrees) is
served in cubed sections, so that they bear as little resemblence as
possible to the animal from which they have just been sliced.  Spoo is
usually served alongside a chablis, or a white zinfandel.

     Further information on the care, feeding, eating and whacking of
spoo can be found in the second edition of the Interstellar Guide to
Fine Dining.


     (Since this question has often been asked, if this message could
a) be archived, and b) posted on other systems, since I don't have
this on disk and am writing more or less on the fly, that would be
nothing less than a wonderfulness.)

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